For My Sunshine...

This day, 7 years ago, one of my best friends, Emily gave me a Valentine Day card. (The card is posted on FB wall if you'd like to see it) I wish I was sharing this card with Emily, laughing about old times and the cards we both exchanged but Emily passed away right before Christmas, so this card is a reminder to me to love people every day not just on Valentines Day, you never know when you last day is, God never promised us tomorrow.

I love you Sunshine, thanks for shining down so brightly on all of us today!

My Whitney Rant.

Whitney Houston pasted away recently, and there has been a lot of media coverage over her and her life. Some media and been good and some of it has been bad which is typical, but it got me to thinking. Yes, Whitney Houston did drugs, that was quite obvious, and it's more than likely that is what took her life, but why do we continually dwell upon that? She is gone now, why are we just now so concerned about her drug use now?  Before it was just a story to fill a 20/20 or 60 minutes or a Dateline time slot. Now we ask why someone didn't care enough to get her help. I find that ironic. We all knew before now, some of the headlines were that people were 'shocked but not surprised' how sad. Nonetheless, she is gone now and I hope that her life can be used as an example of how drugs do not help fix any of the situation that you are facing, and often just don't change how you look but how you act as well. So let's not slam her name any more let's remember her voice, and pray for her family, and especially her daughter. As they have lost someone they love, let's respect them during this time.

Thanking God.

My prayer contently has been thanking God for each day. God NEVER promised us tomorrow, tomorrow is a gift given to us from him each day. A gift that we certainly don't deserve.

Emily.

I walked into Wal Mart the other day and this girl looked so much like you, I got so excited and began to walk towards her and with 10ft between us my hands hit my knees, stomach turned, and tears overwhelmed my eyes. It was in that moment it hit me that girl was not you. Now I have made this very mistake several times but normally I walk off in embarrassment not in pain, but this time was different this time I realized I would never see you again in Wal Mart or any other random place for that matter, you were gone...

One of my closest friends growing up took her life last week... I want to share with you a little about Emily...

There has been an abundance of people that have come in and out of life but few that impacted me like Emily did. Emily had a beautiful spirit about her that you instantly felt you could trust, a quality that most people do not contain. Emily and I could talk for hours about nothing, but to Emily it was never nothing you could say something about not liking something random and months later she would remember it like you talked about it yesterday. You could share your problems with her and she would tell you what she really thought not just what you wanted to hear. Emily could care less about what someone else thought, she was always going to be herself and only herself. Once again a quality most people do not have, let alone a teenage girl.

Emily never missed a beat on telling a story and the way she told stories was almost magical. Emily probably never out weighed a 12 year girl and had eyes to match the sky. As she began to get into a story her arms would swirl around her, her fragile body would seem to dance about in much like the way the wind blows wheat in an open field, and her eyes would grow with each word.  She was always the provider of much entertainment. Emily would make any one smile, and not just a smirk, a smile that stretch from one side of your face to the other, with full teeth showing. Laughter seemed to follow her, she could have any one within a 15ft range of her laughing it was so contagious.

I could go on for days about the qualities she had and all the things I miss about her but one of the things I will miss the most is hearing her voice yell "Audie/Audball/Butterz/or Audra" as soon as she spotted me, her run full heartly towards me with arms out, legs squirming beneath her, and practically running into me, her face hitting one my shoulders, and arms wrapped so tightly around my whole body. I see her in my dreams and I relive those moments over and over.

I'll never forget Emily, Emily only continues to live through me each minute of each day, Emily taught me to accept others, and to always be myself no matter what, and to love wholeheartedly.

I love you Emmie, always.You are my sunshine my only sunshine...


...


I have experienced people questioning how I can still believe in God in situations like these and I can tell you if I didn't believe God is powerful before this I certainly can now. I believe God gives and takes away. God has not promised any of us  tomorrow. We live in a dark world and we only have light because of God. The world tells us to have happiness but I believe happiness is something we create, God provides my life with joy. God is my strength, nothing else in the world is certain besides him.

Hungry (Falling On My Knees) - Joy Williams

"Life ain't always the way it ought to be..."

I have had a hard time understanding people lately. I knew someone who was killed in a car accident this weekend, and as the news reported and online newspapers and such people began to leave comments. Their comments were shocking to me. Even if this person lost their life to their own mistake shouldn't you have enough heart not to comment such hateful things? This person left behind a family and friends which now have to read those things... those commenters were mad because he didn't think before he did something but they clearly didn't either or they wouldn't have posted those things either.

Phillippians 3:13

Today I was reading Holly Furtick's  (her husband is Pastor Steven  Furtick, whom I find to be most attractive) blog and I ran across an old blog post of hers, and the main point to one of the posting was that she finally realized that she didn't need to please everyone in her life (I feel like I learned that a long time ago, just with different situations that have taken place in my life) but the people I am around now I frequently find myself caring what they think about: me, what I am doing, and how I am doing it, to the point where it is completely stressing me out. Holly writes that she now only aims to please the people that God has directly put in her life, and I think that is a great idea. Not that everyone else isn't important or doesn't matter but I can not please 25 people on a daily basis, it is impossible. I will aim to please only about 5, because I know God has placed them there for a reason and I know with their guidance and support that's all I will need - person #6 may tell me that my shoes didn't exactly coordinate with my outfit on that given day, and I will take that advice and probably never pair those shoes with that outfit again but I can't worry about stuff like that on a daily basis, I do not have the time or the energy to do such - right now all my energies are focused on Christ and running towards him.

I am still not all I should be, but I am focusing all my energies on this one thing, Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.
- Philippians 3:13