I walked into Wal Mart the other day and this girl looked so much like you, I got so excited and began to walk towards her and with 10ft between us my hands hit my knees, stomach turned, and tears overwhelmed my eyes. It was in that moment it hit me that girl was not you. Now I have made this very mistake several times but normally I walk off in embarrassment not in pain, but this time was different this time I realized I would never see you again in Wal Mart or any other random place for that matter, you were gone...
One of my closest friends growing up took her life last week... I want to share with you a little about Emily...
There has been an abundance of people that have come in and out of life but few that impacted me like Emily did. Emily had a beautiful spirit about her that you instantly felt you could trust, a quality that most people do not contain. Emily and I could talk for hours about nothing, but to Emily it was never nothing you could say something about not liking something random and months later she would remember it like you talked about it yesterday. You could share your problems with her and she would tell you what she really thought not just what you wanted to hear. Emily could care less about what someone else thought, she was always going to be herself and only herself. Once again a quality most people do not have, let alone a teenage girl.
Emily never missed a beat on telling a story and the way she told stories was almost magical. Emily probably never out weighed a 12 year girl and had eyes to match the sky. As she began to get into a story her arms would swirl around her, her fragile body would seem to dance about in much like the way the wind blows wheat in an open field, and her eyes would grow with each word. She was always the provider of much entertainment. Emily would make any one smile, and not just a smirk, a smile that stretch from one side of your face to the other, with full teeth showing. Laughter seemed to follow her, she could have any one within a 15ft range of her laughing it was so contagious.
I could go on for days about the qualities she had and all the things I miss about her but one of the things I will miss the most is hearing her voice yell "Audie/Audball/Butterz/or Audra" as soon as she spotted me, her run full heartly towards me with arms out, legs squirming beneath her, and practically running into me, her face hitting one my shoulders, and arms wrapped so tightly around my whole body. I see her in my dreams and I relive those moments over and over.
I'll never forget Emily, Emily only continues to live through me each minute of each day, Emily taught me to accept others, and to always be myself no matter what, and to love wholeheartedly.
I love you Emmie, always.You are my sunshine my only sunshine...
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I have experienced people questioning how I can still believe in God in situations like these and I can tell you if I didn't believe God is powerful before this I certainly can now. I believe God gives and takes away. God has not promised any of us tomorrow. We live in a dark world and we only have light because of God. The world tells us to have happiness but I believe happiness is something we create, God provides my life with joy. God is my strength, nothing else in the world is certain besides him.
